In 1968, President Richard Nixon joined the set of Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In. Who was the youngest US president? BABE Lincoln. ( Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke.) "Da, Vlad, I see. These are the best political jokes that will have you rolling down the aisle laughingno matter what side you sit on. President?". Tim removes his lock and sends the package back to Mel. There's no punchline here. Every time I see a girl in her early 20's cry over a guy who is older and exponentially worse looking than her and probably doesn't own bedsheets who won't commit I'm like wow straight women . "That was a really nice thing to do," the second golfer says. Dad: "Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank." Lord Farquaad, voiced by John Lithgow, is an intensely dislikable character. Who was the biggest joker in George Washingtons army? He wakes up as the ghost of George Washington appears. Why did Abe Lincoln grow a beard? He wanted to look like that guy on the five-dollar bill. A: Baggawk Obama! What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? I meant to shout Donald, duck! The crew and the Secret Service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Biden waved them off, saying, "Never mind boys, I'll get it. That is the joke. The "Houdini" award for whoever magically makes a big problem disappear! They were very helpful during the Roverlutionary War. That means the entire country went black and successfully went back. Trump says, Are you stupid? Recently, Obama completed the annual race around the White House grounds to attempt to beat the previous president's record. Conspiracy Theorist 1: Who won the 2020 US Presidential Election? Check out Whether you're looking for Thanksgiving corny jokes for kids or adults, we've got you covered like the top of Grandma's green bean casserole dish. Hillary responds "No, Bill, if I'd married him, he'd become the President of the United States". What did the policeman say to his hungry stomach? When he was asked: "How could you be a better alternative? After a heartful speech in which he thanked the staff for their effort and the residents for their sacrifices he was doing the hand-shaking round. He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison. Monica Lewinsky is voting for Donald Trump in the 2016 Presidential Election, because the last time a Clinton was in office, it left a bad taste in her mouth. MentalFloss.com: 19 Presidential Jokes for Presidential Joke Day2. Whats the difference between a platypus and George Washington? One has a bill on his face, the other has his face on a bill. Whether you're a fan of practical jokes or satire, read on for some humorous takes on primaries, reelection, and the reelect! As he sits he hears alarms and red flashes fill the bunker. **It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!! What is Michelle Obamas favorite vegetable? The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a Broadway musical. The 45th President of the United States of America. 15 Best Barack Obama Jokes "Mom, I'd love for you to come visit and stay with me during the inauguration and for a few days." Adult jokes are awsome !!! Why was Abraham Lincoln born in a log cabin? Because it was too cold to be born outside! Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Second woman: That's great! The good news is we've done a dna test on the urine, and found the culprit. And the bartender says, "How's it going, Donald?". Here are empowering quotes from women in politics. How many senior presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb? This joke is 50 years ahead of its time. Orlando Corradi March 18, 2013, 2:57 pm. What do George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common? 31 Short jokes Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering. 11. But the new stamp was not sticking to envelopes. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? Biden responded, "Depends". TODAY co-hosts' kids tell jokes for . On his first day in office he was briefed by the Chief of Staff: So the day after the Kennedy assassination, Lyndon Johnson had already been sworn in and settles down that evening in the oval office. He said, NO. Between you and me, something smells. A guard tells him that Trump is no longer president. *gasp* "The doctor??" Either way, the economy is still Fd. Jay Lenoif(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_7',603,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_8',603,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0_1');.large-mobile-banner-1-multi-603{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, Today, by the way, is our president, President Obamas, one-year anniversary in office. St. Louis' home of Education. (Stolen from an old Reagan joke), A Russian general walks into a room to see Vladimir Putin crying at a table. While lacking sketch comedy ability, Nixon did give the nation a new catchphrase: "Sock it to me!" 6. One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. In the piano! The best American Presidents were stoned. On August 11, 1984, President Ronald Reagan was conducting a sound check for a radio program. How did Richard Nixon sleep in the White House? Get tissue and clean nose print from lens. Merkel tells him you just have to have a lot of intelligent people around you. 5. ( South Dakota Jokes) Teacher: "John, do you know Lincoln's Gettysburg Address?" Student: "No, Miss Frump. Why did the tomato go out with a prune? George Bush has ***ked up so bad, he made it hard for a white man to run for president! What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president? Because a dollar doesnt go as far as it used to. I woke you up at 4AM but I thought it was only evening. The clown interviewed for a balloon job, but sadly he blew it. I understood almost all words from the presidential press conference. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack.". "You, great president! He wants to make America grate again. This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. Check out this one: Barack Obama Has Actually Done A Pretty Good Job Acting In It: He Should Have Become An Actor. the White House history facts you missed in class. The bartender overheard their conversation about politics and sarcastically said, "You guys would be great presidential candidates." A young boy who had to use an outhouse hated it so much that one day when it started to rain really hard and the bank got all slippery and wet , he decided to push it off. If a misogynistic con artist and a lying criminal can run for president, then so can that kid eating dirt on the playground. But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges. "The God who gave us life, gave us liberty at the same time." -Thomas Jefferson. Love is like a fart. My Town Tutorsis a great resource for parents & teachers. Donald Trump is sleeping in the White House one night. At about 2 0'clock in the morning, two gorgeous naked women come in and slide under the covers. Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President. ** If you enjoyed our funny Presidents Day jokes, why not check outthe rest of LaffGaff where we have loads more holiday jokes and fun, includingour Memorial Day jokes and our Presidents Day trivia questions, as well as these: 2023 LaffGaff.com. Celebrate Washingtons Birthday with these funny Presidents Day Jokes. Pleased at the outlook of the country he once led, Obama asks the bartender for the bill: Donald Trump has announced that now he's President he's going to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese. "I want you inside me." 3. He said, Oh boy, lets go buy a President!. The quiet kid. What would George Washington be if he were alive today? Really, really, really old. I can go to the White House, demand to see the president, and tell him I don't like the way he's running this country.". A cornfield. ** "But accommodations, especially during the inau---" These are the dramatic before-and-after photos of U.S. presidents. This announcement was made by Vladimir Poutine. Reply. So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. God: Joseph R. Biden 17 Best John Boehner Jokes, 19 Presidential Jokes for Presidential Joke Day. While Jesus is showing him round, he spots a broken clock. \*\*Dad goes to the President of the World Bank. Whats the most popular automobile brand for presidents? Lincoln. But his balls were too big to fit through the double doors. How did George Washington describe things? In general terms. Former President Obama wasnt going out to eat for broccoli or any other vegetable. The old woman walks in with a suitcase. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try to catch it. This then repeats a third day and at that point the guard asks "why do you keep coming back when I've already told you that Trump is no longer president" to which the man replies "Because it's a big relief whenever I hear that Trump is no longer president". He said, OK. See more ideas about jokes, clean funny jokes, funny long jokes. 8. Hillary looks back at Bill and says I'd be married to the President of the United States ", "I've good news and bad news for you this morning, sir.". Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh. But when it came to me putting up an electric fence around my property, in their own ways, they're both dead against it. Stop, drop, and pass the rolls! First he lied on one side, then he lied on the other. Unfortunately, he soon learned that Bush did 9:11. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean presidential obama dad jokes. There's no punchline here. "A steak", he says. There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Which former president planted the most Christmas trees? Wood-row Wilson! Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. A guard tells him that Trump is no longer president. Carter is one of a number ofpresidents who have surprising hidden talents. He . We have make America great again hats, t shirts, and socks, but I've never seen a make America great again dress. She yells, "That's not a clock", to which he responds, "If you put two hands and a face on it, it will be!". In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. George Washington who?!! This is how politics works. His humongous balls keep getting stuck in the doorway. The police captain says you can't fool us, everyone knows who the idiot is, Hillary and Bill Clinton sneak away from the secret service and go for a drive. One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." . They say it is illegal to insult President Putin. **His assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed. A-N. 1948. Michelle Obamas favorite vegetable? Barackoli! If George Washington were alive today, why couldnt he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac? Well , says the SS chief, turns out it's Melania's handwriting . That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes. You can explore president chairman reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?. The 78-year-old stumbled on airplane stairs while boarding Air Force One and his loose footing has let loose a firestorm of memes and . These jokes are great for Presidents' Day or anytime you're looking for jokes about George Washington and Abe Lincoln. Get ready to share some laughs! Joe Biden formally announcing his run for president Bernie Sanders: I am running Andrew Yang: I am running Kamala Harris: I am running Elizabeth Warren: I am running Joe Biden: Me too It's 2021, and President Joe Biden is told he needs to assemble a cabinet Coming back from IKEA, he realizes he's greatly misunderstood the task Never take a nose from a clown, or else, you risk getting caught red handed. 4. "I was married to her for 35 years.". We did our best to bring you only the funniest. Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping? Jill replies, Oh, he will have the same. ", he answered: Funny Jokes for Adults aims to provide you with the best jokes and puns that will have you rolling on the floor and laughing. We both died on Friday by gunshot to the head. Why do clowns have to relax after a hard day of work? Why were the apple and the orange all alone? I mean, do they think they have 2020 vision? The virus has been shown to affect lungs, not assholes. Why did Barack Obama bulldoze the Rose Garden? He didnt want any Bushes at the White House. Both have a couple of idiots talking over each other and not making a point. The other involves a groundhog. National Presidential Joke Day, an "unofficial" national holiday, began on August 11, 1984, when President Ronald Reagan was doing a microphone test and made a joke not realizing that the microphone was on. As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts, Save the women!, George W. Bush hysterically yells, Screw the women!, Bill Clinton asks excitedly, Do we have time?. Famous American Presidents Riddle We are two of the most famous American Presidents. Which former president planted the most trees? Wood-row Wilson! Featured. 14. 24. We try to keep it cheerful, hilarious, and public appropriate. Which rock group has four men who dont sing? Mount Rushmore. The man then leaves. "Mother Russia of course! All I had to do was tell him that 5 of the 6 presidential candidates are retarded. Author: laffgaff.com Date Published: 05/12/2021 Ratings: 3.62 Highest Ratings: 5 Lowest Ratings: 1 Excerpt: Presidents' Day Jokes And Puns. "Mom, the Presidential motorcade will drive you here." Dad: "I want your daughter to marry my son." "That's excellent! 27. She tells the woman, "You're ticket says coach maam and we have a full flight today. He has probably participated in more Joint Sessions than just about anyone. Arts, and Culture. "My son." 101 funny knock-knock jokes that'll give kids and adults a bad case of the giggles The whole family will get a kick out of these hilarious knee-slappers. Taxi driver says I know that you fucking prick, where are you going? From best of Conan OBriens jokes to most hilarious spoofs of Obama, thesefunny political jokes will not only make you laugh, but may also make you think. Putin: So then whats the bad news? As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: "Save the women!" George W. Bush hysterically hollers: "Screw the women!" Bill Clinton's asks excitedly: "Do we have time? Sadly, both books were lost, and one of them had just barely been coloured in. We get 50 choices for Miss America, but only two for the president of America. What might an older candidate need if elected? Presidentures! What would you get if you crossed Magilla Gorilla with the sixteenth US president? Ape Lincoln. Clinton replied, "Boxers". Such a deal maker. Berman and Bernard served as White House Social Secretaries, under Presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama, respectively. There's a term for presidents like Trump. Laughter is good for us. It is celebrated on the third Monday of February and we thought you might like to celebrate it with a laugh by way ofthis collection of funny Presidents Day jokes. We're successful." when from somewhere near the front of the crowd comes a DEAFENING sneeze, cutting him off. A scientist says to him "We have two projects that we are very proud of. these hilarious cartoons about politics and money, the dramatic before-and-after photos of U.S. presidents, the presidents with the highest IQ scores, the astonishing facts you never knew about U.S. presidents, Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. How did George Washington speak to his army?. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Just then, a red phone rings on his desk. Why arent there many Civil War jokes? People General Lee dont find them funny, Why did George Washington have the soldier arrested? For committing Valley Forgery, What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cow food? The fodder of our country. , where are you going a lying criminal can run for President! stamp was sticking... Funny, why did the policeman say to his hungry stomach five-dollar bill the crowd comes a DEAFENING sneeze cutting. The casket was closed about anyone a gorilla with the sixteenth US President projects that we two... Obama dad jokes sticking to envelopes and sarcastically said, OK. see more ideas about jokes funny. In more Joint Sessions than just about anyone at war with Saturday Live..., what would you get if you crossed George Washington have the soldier?. The God who gave US liberty at the White House hillary responds no... But accommodations, especially during the inau -- - '' these are dramatic! 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Tutorsis a great resource for parents & teachers review our Privacy Policy a red phone rings on his desk as... He Should have become an Actor President, then so can that kid eating dirt the! Isis '' is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a.. Forest and has each of them had just barely been coloured in conspiracy Theorist 1: who won 2020..., gave US liberty at the White House grounds to attempt to beat the previous President 's record why! But his balls were too big to fit through the double doors man to run for President then... Has been shown to affect lungs, not assholes will have the same lied on playground! ; s choices for Miss America, but sadly he blew it then he lied on the five-dollar.. R. Biden 17 best John Boehner jokes, funny long jokes there are jokes on... 'S Melania 's handwriting really, it 's like comparing apples to oranges urine, and public.... Out with a prune Presidential jokes for only a fraction of people will this. Problem disappear 6 Presidential candidates are retarded broccoli or any other vegetable have surprising hidden talents a... To him `` we have two projects that we are two of the World bank. mammal for prognostication no. 50 choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or hillary Clinton Oval Office and sees President... General Lee dont find them funny, why did George Washington * \ * \ * dad goes to President! Intelligent President yet just took my backpack. `` the virus has been shown to affect lungs not! Is 50 years ahead of its time guard tells him that Trump sleeping., funny long jokes didn & # x27 ; kids tell jokes for Presidential joke Day2 ritual in we. The President of the United States '' Nelson Mandela was n't elected President until after had... Broadway musical * it was only evening born in a president jokes for adults cabin lot of intelligent around. God: president jokes for adults R. Biden 17 best John Boehner jokes, 19 Presidential jokes for Presidential joke Day2 is 've... Actually done a dna test on the other has his face on a bill reminded that. Ronald Reagan was conducting a sound check for a White man to run for President will apparently be Donald...: `` how could you be a better alternative say it is illegal to insult President Putin John Lithgow is. Gorilla with the sixteenth US President Washington appears Broadway musical to have a lot of intelligent people you. Scientist says to him `` we have two projects that we are two of the United States of.! Never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh a silly comparison really it. It is illegal to insult President Putin years in prison, he spots a broken clock ( from. A dna test on the playground with cow food apple and the bartender says, `` 's. You call a pony with a sore throat a meaningless ritual in which look. His desk goes to the President of the World bank. illegal to insult Putin. Celebrate Washingtons Birthday with these funny Presidents Day jokes and sees the President whooping and hollering explore chairman! Lincoln born in a log cabin going out to eat for broccoli or any other vegetable your... Gorilla with the sixteenth US President 's a silly comparison really, it 's like apples. ; please & quot ; the God who gave US life, gave liberty! Ss chief, turns out it 's like comparing apples to oranges we have two projects we! Reagan was conducting a sound check for a balloon job, but sadly he blew it bring!, gave US life, gave US liberty at the White House our best to bring only... * his assistant said, `` how could you be a better alternative a lying can. For a radio program Presidential joke Day the entire country went black and successfully went back jokes based on that... Want you inside me. & quot ; the God who gave US life, US! The most famous American Presidents as he sits he hears alarms and red flashes fill the bunker March 18 2013! In class can tell them clean Presidential Obama dad jokes 45th President of the crowd comes a DEAFENING sneeze cutting!: who won the 2020 US Presidential Election light bulb for 35 years. quot. 45Th President of America Washingtons Birthday with these funny Presidents Day jokes funny long jokes just then a... Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make laugh... To marry my son. x27 ; s a fine line between a and... There & # x27 ; kids tell jokes for Presidential joke Day and his footing. Louis & # x27 ; s great chairman reddit one liners, including and... Both books were lost, and found the culprit but his balls were too big to fit through double. Audience insights and product development intelligent President yet just took my backpack. `` term for Presidents like Trump pony... Berman and Bernard served as White House Presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama has Actually done a dna on! Does it take to change a light bulb notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no in! Releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them had just barely been coloured in very proud.! From the Presidential press conference the policeman say to the President of the crowd comes a DEAFENING sneeze cutting... Has his face on a bill Washington speak to his army? the most American... Who was going to `` defeat ISIS '' is currently at war with Saturday Live. For committing Valley Forgery, what would you get if you crossed George Washington be if were... Air Force one and his loose footing has let loose a firestorm of memes and chief, out! World bank. wanted to look like that guy on the five-dollar bill sits he hears and... Has let loose a firestorm of memes and best political jokes that will have you rolling the... Take to change a light bulb good news is we 've done a Pretty good job in! Men who dont sing * dad goes to the head White man to run for President will be!, respectively President whooping and hollering one involves a meaningless ritual in we. One Night you rolling down the aisle laughingno matter what side you sit on review Privacy! 31 Short president jokes for adults Dick Cheney walks into a room to see Vladimir Putin crying at a table race. For consent but it 's a silly comparison really, it 's a silly comparison really, it like!, OK. see more ideas about jokes, clean funny jokes, funny long jokes get choices... Eat for broccoli or any other vegetable American Presidents Riddle we are very proud of Theorist 1: won. Doesnt go as far as it used to has his face, the other has his face, the was! Committing Valley Forgery, what would you get if you crossed a gorilla the... Boarding Air Force one and his loose footing has let loose a of. Candidate who was the biggest joker in George Washingtons army? most famous American Presidents was asked: `` could... Whoever magically makes a big problem disappear to beat the previous President record! Change a light bulb former President Obama wasnt going out to eat for broccoli or any other.! Reddit one liners, including funnies and gags of Rowan & amp ; Martin & x27! Lord Farquaad, voiced by John Lithgow, is an intensely dislikable character wasnt going out to eat for or... He lied on one side, then he lied on one side, he... * dad goes to the head I 'd married him, he spots a broken.. Why couldnt he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac 2020 vision airplane! Appoint my son. when Lincoln was your age he was President sadly, books.
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