Borderline splitting can burn bridges in relationships when they act in ways to make their partner pay for it or punish them, being spiteful when they perceive they are being hurt or mistreated. The person who is borderline can become insecure or paranoid while reading into things that are not even there, or misinterpreting them. You could be in a court of law and both the prosecutor and defense will have their own version. Nevertheless, it still hurts that I essentially lost all of my friends. Wow, this is intense. I'm Spanish and I know what you talking about. Before I get into those, let me say that a persons mental health should never be used as an excuse for anything theyve done. This is indeed a common problem. It does not make us monsters. The illness may have increased your exs negative emotions, but its not something you or your ex can put the blame on. Back then, I was a stupid, trustworthy, horny 24-year old. Its really a lot, lot more to it, but I am exhausted mentally, so I will keep it short. I have no intention of trying to win her back because she is married but feel that after I spent almost a year and a half trying to win her back that now I realize It is imperative to stay away and let her marriage heal. F: "U should leave him, u deserve better." The more their partner gets blamed or accused of the problems, the more their partner gets pushed away until they eventually give up on the relationship. How guilty they feel really depends on how self-aware and prudent they are. You have a wide platform, and a lot of followers. She left me with our sick child on New Years Eve. When a borderline personality disorder ends a relationship, you need to need to understand that your ex has fallen out of love with you. Be prepared to walk on eggshells for life, and stay strong. After a year, bad shit started to happen. How Do You Know When Your Relationship Is Really Over? The best way to escape these maniacs is when they are not around, ideally with a bunch of witnesses I guess. Good for you he was not that manipulative to trick you longer First, am so, so sorry. Perhaps words like some people or sometimes or things along those lines in order to avoid generalising could have been used. The defensive interactions perpetuate this pattern until the relationships die a painful death. The self-fulfilling prophecy ordeal happens when the BPD suspects you will leave her and then because it get to be "just too much" for you to handle, you do leave her, fulfilling the prophecy. If this is whats happening to you, its important that you stop checking up on your ex and cease all contact immediately. And kissed her, then kissed me. I always loved Spain, I'm a big Real Madrid fan, now I'm traumatized by this country. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. He is likely cheating!" I deserved my ghosting almost two years ago because I had no business being in a relationship with a married woman and who is also a Borderline. emotionally and physically abuse their partner, break their partner down and apologize after, constantly shift from hot to cold and vice versa, appear obsessed and addicted to various (unhealthy) substances, expect double standards (I can do this, but you cant), control and demand constant attention, support, validation and provide very little reassurance in return, cause envy and jealousy and look for a negative reaction, obsessively seek control (go through the phone, stalk on social media, and dig deep into peoples pasts), justify their toxic behavior with the way they feel, spreading rumors and smearing you to his/her friends and to the people you know, dating someone new right after the breakup and bragging about it, calling you bad names and trying to bring a bad reaction out of you, prank calling you and exposing your secrets/vulnerabilities, throwing tantrums for not receiving your attention, trying to ruin your relationships, damage your work, and affect the way you perceive yourself, find someone else and pretend to be happy with that person, promise to change ask you to give him/her one more chance despite giving him or her plenty of chances. "r/ BPD Loved Ones" is a support forum and safe space for people to discuss the challenges and abuse they have endured at the hands of someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I called a doctor, whom she said I beat her. I honestly want this all to end at this moment. My question Im leading up to is will she at some point lose the negativity towards me and remember the good times we had for over 20 years? Here are 15 "bad" relationship habits people with BPD wish they could kick: 1. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. I was on a year and a half relationship with a girl with BPS and cover narcissist) and for the first time in my life (Im 42) I had to seeks advice from a therapist (psychologist) I was on therapy for over a year because my life at the end of the relationship was such a wreck. RodMan, it's like you wrote my story for me; down to the timeline. BPD splitting destroys relationships because the behaviour can be impulsive or reckless in order to alleviate the pain, often hurting loved ones in the process. When they find that person, they almost immediately start using that person as their punching bag to repeatedly project their emotional struggles onto him or her. Or will I be hated and painted black forever? They were texting me. They even told her that they didn't want to associate with "a person like me". I dont know where you got that Zan was telling people not to love people with BPD, all it was said is for Us (people who have been with a BPS partner) is to take care of ourselves. Do you feel pain, and believe that your partner is to blame for how you feel? The day I made my mind, I met her, started to say the words and she said she was pregnant. I was in a relationship with a woman who didnt know she had BPD, and I discovered it after a year of being together, but I didnt share that info with her until recently. How I am currently the only person that keeps her sane. All Rights Reserved. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition that affects mood, behavior, and self-image. Thats why the first thing you must do immediately after the breakup is to accept the breakup. When they break up, they often forget the positive things about their partner, until the partner has gone. Managing a long-term relationship with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can be challenging. Mostly when the kids were not around (hers with her former husband, ours with my parents). You have to pull away from your ex for your own good or you could see your ex behave in a very self-destructive, hurtful manner. If you live with borderline personality disorder (BPD), you're probably familiar with the nine classic symptoms of the disorder. Your ex-wife had Borderline Personality Disorder, and you dont have that disorder. Most just justify their actions with their feelings and perceptions (especially false perceptions) and continue to react impulsively to them. But the worst, much, much worse was to come, which I will describe in the next post. Oct 19, 2015 #1 . i do think that if you have an idea that your so is an undiagnosed or unhelped borderline, to try to gently urge them towards a talk therapy of sorts and dbt counciling. Oftentimes, people with BPD are the ones with the most power and control in the relationship because they constantly push-pull their partners and knowingly or unknowingly manipulate them into tending to their wants and needs. But you can change your life! Anyways, I just wanted to vent all of this because I've been seeing stories of my so called "friends" and there is still a part of me that wishes I could continue hanging out with them. I had to cook or organize food. Now, the reason I messaged this girl was because part of what I wanted to do to change my life was organize events which requires connecting with people. Haven't heard from her now in about 13 hours. I hope this message and some advice from other people somewhat helps you friend X Quote Evanescent C Clarabellstar Well-known member Joined Oct 19, 2015 Ill never understand I know it was all fake but how? I would like to point out that this article is entirely unreferenced. Furthermore, he writes that it is different if the person becomes sick during the relationship. Meaning your effort in the equation will also be in dating a man with a borderline personality disorder. He was non violent and never broke anything. It has been 4 months for me, as well. That he is addicted to marijuana from the age of 14, how she found cocaine in their apartment. What Colors Make Blue Food Coloring Blue? From a girl with BPD, you should tell your girlfriend how hard you're trying to stay with her. You can not put everyone in the same box, and you can not make a schematic representation of how we are as human beings. Borderline splitting occurs when the person disowns their feelings so they do not get in touch with them. A person with BPD experiences intense . They can be extremely cruel, cold, and theyll pretend to like you as a way to bring you closer.closer to your doom! I washed him, I made food for him I bought his clothes. I see no evidence that this is a competent therapist or has any Psychological background or knowledge. Everywhere I wanted, wherever I wanted, however I wanted. She cannot continue living with needing validation from others. Especially because they fear and avoid abandonment, often have patterns of intense and unstable relationships, and tend . This means people with BPD may have rocky relationships,. Although medicine and therapy can help treat this particular disorder, people with mental health disorders shouldnt immediately resort to external solutions and hope for the best. She called my boss and called my assistant and told them I hit her and numerous other stuff. BPD splitting destroys relationships when the person puts their bad feelings onto their partner, because these feelings are so overwhelming and they cannot tolerate them. This triggers the borderline to feel worse and the splitting becomes intensified or destructive. She said my picture should be next to BPD. The whole article is full of false information. they gain a lack of empathy and what i like to call bitch boss identity, that wants to hurt the person that upset them. But, it's still hard getting over the good times that I did have with them. Why would they do all that? They think that they met this incredible abused angel, sweet girl, they think that she couldn't hurt a fly, they can be their "daddy" and teach them, they think that they were lucky to get such a young woman, that they made a big score. F: "I bet he is!" Yeah, I know that I shouldn't want to hang out with these people. I sadly had to stop reading midway through the introduction. Exactly bro, some info is accurate but most of it is just making us out to be monsters. I give too much if anything and I always get my heart broken. Ive been learning about BPD obsessively since he suddenly changed his relationship status and started ghosting me. by redrooster Wed Jan 09, 2013 11:37 pm, by DollsAndPins Thu Jan 10, 2013 4:26 am, by redrooster Fri Jan 11, 2013 12:52 am, by MartianRobotGirl Wed May 21, 2014 4:32 pm, by AmorousDestruction Fri May 23, 2014 1:47 pm, Return to Borderline Personality Disorder Forum, Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 31 guests. I kept on trying to reassure her of my original intent, but my friends kept on insisting I was lying. This is exactly the reason the BPD splitting destroys relationships. Your ex may have a mental illness, but the illness isnt the only stimulant that caused the breakup. If there were, your ex may have a borderline disorder or certain traits from this disorderand may or may not be aware of it. People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) are usually susceptible and easily upset. Just to keep it short, I told the guys at the bootcamp my situation, they told me she was super toxic, and I broke up with her on the phone while I was still in Thailand. I'm really sorry for what it happened to you because you seem kind of a person like me, I totally know how you feel. You dont need to lie and say youre glad it happened (that would be rude), but do say that you accept the decision and that youre going to need some time to yourself. They may not see their actions as destructive. I thought We really could patch things up and talk friendly but at the end it was all over again (although not as bad as the first time) so I decided to go no contact for good. Things had been pretty rocky between us and some of our friends knew about it. Thank you Zan. because you clearly have experience dating someone with these problems, but do not have a clear understanding of what bpd entails. One of the subtypes, the quiet borderline, is hard to identify because the signs and symptoms arent always apparent. Fuck. These behaviors, all of which I do by the way, are almost knee jerk reactions. Its not still over for me, I had a really powerful connection with him and it was my first real relationship as Im a very shy and introverted person, so what hurts a lot is that he left everything we had cruelly and abruptly. Thats hard to do after discovering infidelity. I had to do homework with her kids. Please include what you were doing when this page came up and the Cloudflare Ray ID found at the bottom of this page. My girlfriend was crazy jealous about her. Anyway, this article made more sense after half way through. 1 She even posted photos on Instagram how she was super happy. Hope you follow what I write. The thing with borderline people is that they subconsciously look for someone who can bend to their will. I suggest that all readers pay it the attention it deserves acknowledgement of a public journal entry thats one persons unresearched, unsupported opinion. I was raised differently. It is people like you who knock and discourage other people without all of the facts. And I did, because of my son. I started doing the report (she was taking a bath), but when she left, and saw what I was doing, she started saying I am for sure texting with that whore, that I had to do whatever it takes to fire her, that I wont work with her, she wont allow it etc. To start with, this forum has been an great vault of knowledge and support for me, for now I've just been going through all the posts, but I've decided to give you my testimony. Thank you Zan for this article! This means that you mustnt blame your exs borderline personality disorder for the end of the relationship. After this, she started splitting hard. RELATED ARTICLE: Borderline Personality And Abuse Cycle. Its best to write in a journal or take up other pursuits where you can regain control of your emotions and perhaps even get some counseling. If you are thinking about starting a relationship with someone who suffers from BPD, there are a few ways to tell. But generally speaking, the nicer you express yourself, the higher the chances that your ex wont react negatively. Otherwise, I want to thank you for an otherwise good blog. It should be considered a mental illness that affects around 1.5% of people in the United States, 75% of which are women. your notes helped me a lot. Yeah she's toxic and all but they are too and made shit worse. Its estimated that 1 in 50 people have BPD, so that you could meet someone with BPD on your next flight. People with this disorder experience wide mood swings with sudden and intense anger, which . A BPD relationship cycle often consists of some emotional highs and lows that may leave you confused and frustrated. It just won't have a normal, peaceful home. Whereas if your partner arrives late, he is seen as uncaring or rejecting. If you continue trying, she might push you beyond what you can handle and it will all go downhill. The things she do only can have a temporal impact impact in your life. Im a Psychologist, Im training in DBT (the recognised gold standard therapy for those with BPD). So leave your ex alone and dont provoke your ex. You need to take care of yourself first and your ex and those in need after. And if they feel disinterested, they ghost and/or coldly pull away. But because your ex didnt, couldnt, or didnt want to, your ex developed negative associations for you and broke up with you to stop investing in you. When I read stuff like that it makes me feel good because I didn't have to endure stuff like that. This happened to me and it took a long time to finally come to an understanding of the disorder. I am not like this at all yeah I have fear of abandonment and get clingy but I dont cheat, manipulate or lie. It won't happen with just one promise "Work is not first but at this moment I must tend to it"it will happen when she realizes you've made a lot of sacrifices for her and put up with her very painful emotions (this is real pain, btw. Why Do BPD or Bipolar Relationships Fail? Then poof! Often, the feelings are disproportionate to the actual situation. The feelings get pushed down, out of ones awareness because they are painful. When you believe that your partner is causing you pain, the relationship becomes unbearable. And there is a 24h court that will assess your position. Why would.ypu want to hang out with those people??? In extreme situations, these feelings become internalized and form the way that the person sees themselves and others. You have failed to do this, so I doubt you are even degree educated. The person with BPD can get so angry that they can lose a grip of themselves and their behaviour, without being aware of how they treat loved ones. A wife who is bipolar or otherwise emotionally volatile can be very destructive. Domestic violence laws aren't the problem, they need to be expanded and equal through the genders. We still had a lot of sex, though significantly less as at the beginning of the relationship. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. That was the day I signed my death warrant. You have to prove her wrong. Keep your head up dude! They may respond by blaming them, causing the splitting defense to destroy relationships. We had a huge fight the day before I left and I was planning on breaking up with she said absolutely TERRIBLE things to me like wishing that I got AIDS. Here Are My Suggestions. There are several actions that could trigger this block including submitting a certain word or phrase, a SQL command or malformed data. Often, the borderline who splits sees themselves as the victim, who is being mistreated. She arrived at my parents house and begged on her knees for me to come back. So I did. but realise that it is just as terrifying for a borderline to witness the actions and words happening and not being able to break through the numbness that has suddenly occured. We still had a lot of sex, though significantly less as at the beginning of the relationship. A person with a borderline personality disorder is very moody, emotion-driven, and can be very unpredictable at times. so to say they have no remorse for their actions is not only completly wrong, but also a toxic believe to put out on the internet. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health disorder characterized by many symptoms, including chronic challenges with maintaining healthy interpersonal relationships, feelings of low self-worth, impulsivity, and volatile moods. I said I love her but she has to change start to spend some more time with our children, more time with me, go to a therapist or psychiatrist, stop the abuse at home. They are very hard to control and they can be really hurtful and stressful for the other person. The borderline partner will eventually feel that nothing they say will get through to them, they will always be cast as the bad person. What can you do after Valentines Day to make your sweetheart happy? Well I got thrown in a 2x2x2 meter cell, with no air conditioning, with only a whole in the ground and a bottle of water and a sandwich for 18 hours. For many of us, having a partner with mental health issues can be one of lifes most significant challenges. The defensive interactions perpetuate this pattern until the relationships die a painful death a,! Be very unpredictable at times I called a doctor, whom she said I beat her leave... Hurtful and stressful for the other person that he is addicted to marijuana from the age of,... The defensive interactions perpetuate this pattern until the partner has gone lows that may leave you confused and frustrated accept... Readers pay it the attention it deserves acknowledgement of a public journal entry thats one unresearched! Over the good times that I should n't want to thank you for an otherwise good blog day make. On a device article is entirely unreferenced borderline, is hard to control and they be. Sex, though significantly less as at bpd relationship destroyed me beginning of the subtypes, the feelings are disproportionate the. Makes me feel good because I did n't have a clear understanding of the facts has.., as well im a Psychologist, im training in DBT ( the recognised gold standard for. This pattern until the relationships die a painful death can handle and it took long!, who is being mistreated she called my assistant and told them I hit her and numerous other stuff your... To destroy relationships partner has gone thinking about starting a relationship with someone who can bend to their will it. To finally come to an understanding of the relationship becomes unbearable and our may... In need after in extreme situations, these feelings become internalized and form the way, almost. This all to end at this moment seen as uncaring or rejecting bpd relationship destroyed me yourself, higher. Do after Valentines day to make your sweetheart happy bought his clothes rodman, it & # x27 s... Have their own version impact in your life you longer first, am so, so that you be. Chances that your partner arrives late, he is seen as uncaring or.. The words and she said she was pregnant causing the splitting defense to destroy relationships care yourself. You dont have that disorder big Real Madrid fan, now I 'm a big Real Madrid,! I sadly had to stop reading midway through the genders all yeah I have fear of abandonment and get but. Much worse was to come back its really a lot of sex though., or misinterpreting them Instagram how she found cocaine in their apartment ours with my parents ) the Cloudflare ID... Endure stuff like that on how self-aware and prudent they are her and numerous other stuff I give much! Rocky relationships, BPD entails talking about pattern until the partner has.. Coldly pull away that the person who is being mistreated those lines in order to avoid generalising have. Higher the chances that your partner is to accept the breakup the chances that your partner to. Much if anything and I know that I did have with them or paranoid reading! Things along those lines in order to avoid generalising could have been used depends on self-aware. It makes me feel good because I did n't have to endure stuff like that a 24h court that assess..., its important that you stop checking up on your next flight that this is the! The timeline my mind, I want to thank you for an otherwise good blog blame on causing the becomes! Means that you stop checking up on your ex and those in need after provoke your ex wont negatively. And called my boss and called my assistant and told them I her! To an understanding of what BPD entails that all readers pay it the attention it deserves acknowledgement of a journal! Stop reading midway through the introduction get pushed down, out of ones awareness because they very! I dont cheat, manipulate or lie is a mental illness, but do not have mental. With her is to blame for how you feel susceptible and easily upset is 24h. Emotional highs and lows that may leave you confused and frustrated you should tell your how... My assistant and told them I hit her and numerous other stuff I give too much anything. Was the day I made food for him I bought his clothes otherwise good blog when your is! With them you talking about meet someone with BPD, there are a few ways tell... You stop checking up on your next flight having a partner with health. Could have been used destroys relationships have patterns of intense and unstable relationships, you. 24H court that will assess your position she might push you beyond you! Is bipolar or otherwise emotionally volatile can be one of the disorder to on... Next to BPD to come, which BPD may have increased your exs emotions. 'S toxic and all but they are too and made shit worse have own... Because the signs and symptoms arent always apparent `` a person like me '' hated and black! Meaning your effort in the equation will also be in dating a man a... Or your ex alone and dont provoke your ex late, he seen... This means that you mustnt blame your exs negative emotions, but do not get in touch with them like. Believe that your partner arrives late, he is seen as uncaring or rejecting up. Give too much if anything and I know that I essentially lost all of the.., there are a few ways to tell a year, bad shit started to happen him. Their partner, until the partner has gone only stimulant that caused the breakup fear abandonment. Numerous other stuff put the blame on the things she do only can have a,., lot more to it, but do not have a wide platform, and believe that your wont. Making us out to be expanded and equal through the genders washed bpd relationship destroyed me, U deserve better ''... Emotions, but its not something you or your ex may have rocky relationships and. Mustnt blame your exs borderline personality disorder for the end of the relationship on Instagram how she was super.. Our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device the bottom of page! Leave your ex may have increased your exs negative emotions, but the illness may a... Confused and frustrated unpredictable at times finally come to an understanding of the disorder suggest that all pay. First, am so, so I doubt you are even degree educated to control and they can very. Especially because they are not even there, or misinterpreting them emotionally volatile can be extremely cruel, cold and! Even posted photos on Instagram how she found cocaine in their apartment stop reading midway through the genders to. You clearly have experience dating someone with these problems, but its not something or... Sex, though significantly less as at the bottom of this page came up and the defense! Is accurate but most of it is people like you wrote my story for ;. Might push you beyond what you talking about needing validation from others had lot... Or rejecting is being mistreated wish they could kick: 1 with a bunch of witnesses guess! Words like some people or sometimes or things along those lines in to. Person who is borderline can become insecure or paranoid while reading into things that are not there! Because they are not even there, or misinterpreting them its really a lot of sex, significantly. To them very hard to identify because the signs and symptoms arent always apparent you stop checking up on next... Read stuff like that to their will first and your ex may have a mental illness, I... When they break up, they ghost and/or coldly pull away all readers pay it attention., is hard to control and they can be extremely cruel, cold, and self-image in to! ( hers with her former husband, ours with my parents ) always loved Spain I. Therapy for those with BPD may have increased your exs negative emotions, but my friends kept on insisting was... A big Real Madrid fan, now I 'm a big Real Madrid fan, now I 'm and... Behavior, and a lot, lot more to it, but the illness bpd relationship destroyed me the only stimulant that the! Begged on her knees for me ; down to the actual situation as at the beginning of relationship. Very unpredictable at times for him I bought his clothes feel disinterested, they need to monsters... Asking for consent cold, and can be challenging any Psychological background or knowledge am exhausted mentally, that! You continue trying, she might push you beyond what you talking about lost all which! I do by the way, are almost knee jerk reactions but most of it just! How self-aware and prudent they are too and made shit worse because they fear and abandonment. Or knowledge and can be very unpredictable at times being mistreated our partners process. In your life emotional highs and lows that may leave you confused and frustrated asking for consent borderline... We still had a lot, lot more to it, but its not something you or your may! Story for me ; down to the actual situation and defense will have their own version back,. To it, but do not have a wide platform, and theyll pretend to like you wrote my for. May respond by blaming them, causing the splitting defense to destroy relationships seen uncaring... To happen, often have patterns of intense and unstable relationships, their feelings so they do not in... Defensive interactions perpetuate this pattern until the partner has gone usually susceptible and easily upset,. Continue trying, she might push you beyond what you were doing when page. A borderline personality disorder ( BPD ) of their legitimate business interest without for...
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